Family and Supreme Claustrophobia

10/2/11 – Experienced a dream in which I was trapped imprisoned in my bathroom by my family and the authorities, I remember screaming in agony at not being able to open the window more than a hand span, the thought of being there for the rest of my life scared me so much, the feeling of claustrophobia was incomparable to anything I have ever felt, I think it was the first time I felt this feeling; I was in complete fear, I was in anxiety, I was feeling hopeless, at being able to do nothing. This whole experience scared the shit out of me. I woke up quite jarred.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to feelings of imprisonment, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in absolute frustration at not being able to open the window, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to place my feeling of stability and security within the act of opening the window. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe in and participate in the thought that ‘I will be here for the rest of my life’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in feelings of fear, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in feelings of anxiety and hopelessness, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to claustrophobia. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that I ‘could do nothing’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continue with my participate in these deep feelings even after I had woken up, instead of unconditionally standing equal too and one with them, and then stopping them. I direct myself to the remembrance that I must stand equal too and one with my mind before I stop it within and as it.