Hmm

3/2/11 -  I notice fear and doubt coming up a lot since I started my blog literally a few minutes ago, when I look at other peoples blogs I feel as if I am sorely lacking in the same clarity and structure that they have, and this makes me feel a bit like the ‘underachiever’, just the same as I did when I was in certain parts of my educational experience from primary all the way up to the end of university, there was always those feelings of inadequacy; but then there were also those moments where ‘I’ would take a stand and have ‘my’ turn on the platform of superiority. This would take the form of looking down upon someone, to secretly laughing at them and feeling shame at even being in the same room with them. This is unacceptable

I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in fear and doubt regarding my blog posts and my blog in general, I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel ‘down’ at the thought that I am sorely lacking in clarity and structure, and I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to be defined by the belief that I am an underachiever. I direct myself to stand and change myself in writing application by reading other peoples blogs and learning the knack of blogging, and I direct myself to keep things simple and to not get bogged down in constant mind questioning. I forgive myself for allowing and accepting myself to define myself according to the past memory imprints I have from primary, secondary, college, and university levels of education. I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in opposing mind polarity manifestations where I would ‘take my turn’ to ‘be the winner’; I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in these superior/inferior mind games. I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in the action of looking down on others, I forgive myself for allowing myself to secretly smirk at them, I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in feelings of embarrassment at their being in the room with me, and I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in feelings of release when they were out of the room and my presence. I forgive myself for allowing myself to define myself according to these thoughts, beliefs, past memories, projections, and emotions.