Running into eople from my past

22/2/11 – Past ‘friends’ and how I would treat them/view them/use them for my own means or to get something. Regret at having used them, regret at having used them just for drugs and escapism

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the construct of ‘friends’. I forgive myself for allowing myself to use ‘friends’ as a prop to support my ego. I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to negatively and dishonestly abuse and use ‘friends’ for my own egoic purposes. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the action of using friends to ‘get ahead’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have participate in the action of using friends as a drug source (lol, can you see the irony?). I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to use friends as an escape from myself

My desire to remain one step ahead of my brother in terms of weight loss. Always using/used him as a point of comparison

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that I must remain one step ahead of my brother when it comes to weight loss. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use him as a point of comparison for myself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that I must go into ‘lose weight constructs’ when I am around him. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by the idea that I must lose weight. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the desire to have a perfect body. I direct myself to stop all this bullshit. I direct myself to instead stand one and equal too my body, that’s enough.

My judging a friend as being evil and dishonest, thinking and believing that he will never ‘get it’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that my friend is the incarnation of pure ego. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that he is evil. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought that he will never ‘get it’. I direct myself to stop all judgements towards him. I direct myself to observe myself closely for any hidden judgements I may have towards him, and I direct myself to write it out ASAP and forgive the thoughts specifically.

Deeply held beliefs on money and sexual energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that sexual energy is akin to money. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by this thought of equating sexual energy to money. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in pre programmed beliefs about sexual energy. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by energy. I direct myself to observe when these points come up, and stop them accordingly.

When people see me after a long time the thought arises; damn, they must think that I have not changed at all, look how much they have changed, they have become successful and I am still the same boy that I was when I was young, they must think that im an unsuccessful looser.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to when people I have not seen for a long time appear before me, to go into the thought reaction of ‘they must think I have not changed at all’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief and desire that when these people appear before me I must show them that I have ‘changed’. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by this desire to appear ‘changed’ in front of people from my past. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the perception ‘oh they have changed so much, they have become successful, I am still me as I was, that must mean they think im a looser’. I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in these thoughts. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by these thoughts. I direct myself to observe when these points come up, to stop them, by standing one and equal too them, and realising that any negative feelings (or positive feelings) I may be having, are self generated and self allowed. I direct myself to stop these deep patterns as and when I see them. I direct myself to confront them fully.