Jealousy of other people, whether about looks, whether about money, family status, security, whether they have a cat.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in feelings of jealousy, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be triggered by looks, money, status, security, and whether they have things I ‘want’. I direct myself to see that this is not me and is not best for all, and is a mind fuck, I direct myself to see and observe and stop all my participate in constructs of jealousy
Frustration at waiting for my mother to get out of the toilet, flurry of thoughts, ‘I do so much for her, I always get out when she wants, I have knocked so many times now, I cant believe how long this is taking, how selfish!’
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in feelings of frustration at waiting to go to the toilet, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use this trigger of waiting as a point from which I will initiate a thought stream around ‘how much she owes me’ for ‘doing things for her’. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by this construct of ‘I owe you, and you owe me’
Jealousy and fear of Bernard as god, where everything is here within him, then corresponding justifying thought; I want to be like that, isn’t that the whole point? To be become one AND equal to everything. Starts with subtle anger though.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in jealousy at the idea of Bernard being a god, I direct myself to realise that it is in actuality radical common sense and is something that is in its definition available for all. There will be no more higher and lower.
When I used to call up this girl I knew, and she would be huffing and puffing, I would immediately assume that she had been fucking somebody, and then got jealous, and then thought flurry/imagination stream would take place, this was a prime example of how I was fucking with my self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in negative projections based on something that is or was happening in my ‘world’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in feelings of sadness and anxiousness at a hypothetical constructed reality projection, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in these projected reality manifestations.
My dad telling me how he fell on the bus, and implying that I should go with him when he shops so I can help him, saying ‘all you do is jump, eat, and sleep’. Annoyance and anger at this statement; thinking to myself that it is true. Thinking that I just want to get a job so that I can get out of the house
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in feelings of subtle anger and annoyance at my fathers implying that I am a lazy fuck, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that this is true thereby allowing myself to be defined further in constructs of lazy and apathetic. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the desire to get a job just so that I can get away from him and this house, I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by these thoughts and feelings. I direct myself to get a job because it is the practical thing to do in this reality at the moment. No emotion necessary. No thought necessary, no projections, and no desires are necessary. Just move practically.
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