Hero Daydream Response - Sourced

20/2/11 – My hero response is a response to emotional pain. I go into whenever I need to escape, I escape through music also. I also buy things to distract me from me, from my self, my emotions, from my situation. Ill confront everything. Now. Forever

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in emotional responses in regard to love, women, and attention, whether negative or positive. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to escape through music, daydreaming about being a hero, and buying things. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in these types of self distraction. I direct myself to observe when this happens, to stand one and equal too it, and to stop it in every moment, in every breath. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by these projections, I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by the need to ‘escape’. I forgive myself for allowing myself to sublimate the pain that I have allowed for projected fantasies of pleasure and heroism, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create self worth for myself. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by self worth. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by self image.

When I see a sexy girl in provocative pictures, I want to smoke. There is a fluttering tension inside me

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in desires to smoke when I see pictures of women in provocative poses. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in energetic reactions to pictures of women.

Thoughts of humiliation in my dream, turned me on. Willing to masturbate over such fantasies, strong desire to just release the energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in self humiliation. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing as fact that I can be humiliated. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that humiliation exists. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be sexually aroused by thoughts of self humiliation. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by these thoughts of self humiliation. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thought desires to masturbate over this. I direct myself to realise that anything that makes me want to masturbate/release is something that still holds power over me and that I am royally separating myself from. I direct myself to stop separating myself from these thoughts, to stand one too and equal too it, to forgive it, to not let it have any power over me. I direct myself to do this in every breath in every moment for 90 days, to show that I am not addicted to sexual energy.

Jealousy at the thought of Alia being more well off than me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in jealousy towards the thought of Alia being more well off than me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in thoughts of her being ‘more’ than I ‘am’

My need to call people on their shots

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the reaction of having to ‘call people on their shots’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the need to make myself seem ‘hard’. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by this point. I direct myself to stop all manifestations in relation to this point, through breath and awareness.

In my dream I was about to have sex with a black girl, thoughts that I shouldn’t to avoid upgrading my mind systems. But then finally I thought, this is probably the only time its going to happen so I may as well leap on the opportunity, so go for it Zak. I am pretty sure in real life situations I would do the same thing, totally pleasure-penis centric, not an expression of body-self, just a part.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by the thought that I must leap on sexual opportunities because I rarely get them, and so it does not matter who it is with. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that I would not have sex with a black girl because I do not find them appealing. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by this thought of judgement. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to just jump on sexual opportunities without fully understanding the ramifications if I do it from a starting point of lust and mind. I forgive myself for not allowing myself to take into account my whole body as one, and to thus be one and equal too it in these cases and to take it in to full account.

19/2/11 – Viewing religious scholars from the same background as me, I get so fucked, like an intense embarrassment and shame comes over me, as if their stupidity is my own. I allow myself to go into an emotional reaction.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in shame and embarrassment every time I see creationist religious scholars, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that they reflect ‘badly’ up on me, I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the thought ‘what will other people think of ‘me’ when they see ‘him’’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into a bodily reaction of tightness when I see or hear about these things.

Going crazy with thought, giving all my power away to mind fantasies, images, and thoughts, and backchatting; believing that I have no control, and that it is just who I am, so that I may as well ‘go with it’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the belief that I am going crazy with thought. I forgive myself for just accepting and allowing myself to give all my power away to mind fantasies images thoughts and backchatting, believing that I have no control over them. I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realise that regardless of what is going on within me, I am the directive principle behind it, so I must stop, but first stand equal too and one with it. I forgive myself for allowing myself to participate in the action of just ‘going with it’

Blonde girls, how I get excited when I see one, especially those that look like manifestations of past ego interests.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in excitement whenever I see blonde girls that resemble past influences. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in subtle feelings of hatred, jealousy and anger at them. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by these desires and emotions regarding blonde people. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that blonde people are superior to me because they are beautiful.

Had a dream, about the past, that one girl told the whole class I was a virgin, a blonde girl I knew was also there, I tried to keep it together, but I ended up getting watery eyed. And everybody laughed. Still showing I hold onto self definition on this.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto self definition relating to past events. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself according to the anger and embarrassment I felt at the blonde girl. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be moved by the words ‘you’re a virgin!’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that because I was a virgin back then, I was not worth anything. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to cry at others peoples judgements towards me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by other peoples judgements. I forgive myself for defining myself according to their whims. I forgive myself for not allowing myself to give myself my power back to me, and to not allow others to take me away from me. I forgive myself for allowing myself to be defined by these thoughts, beliefs, perceptions, emotions, and projections.

18/2/11 -Daydreaming and fantasising with images of heroism and self sacrifice as a way to appease my secret deep desire to have people like and love me! This is one of the points I have realised here.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the desire to be loved. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in the desire to be liked by others. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be defined by these deep desires for love and attention. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to base my personality design around this construct. I direct myself to stop these manifestations and search for any and all other manifestations that are directly related to this construct. I direct myself to realise that it is mind fucking with itself, and has no bearing on actual physical reality.